


One Day At A Time

by goingtothetardis



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ends on a Hopeful Note, F/M, I keep thinking I'll run out of ways to write this but hahaha nope, Important Conversations, On the zeppelin back to London, Post-Episode: s04e13 Journey's End, Prompt Fic, Rose's Choice, The Doctor's Identity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 10:27:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14162817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goingtothetardis/pseuds/goingtothetardis
Summary: The Doctor and Rose have an important conversation after they leave Bad Wolf Bay.





	One Day At A Time

**Author's Note:**

> An anonymous follower prompted this fic over on tumblr, and it turned into a bit of a Thing. I'm sorry to deliver angsty angst on this lovely weekend, but apparently there were things to discuss and get out of my head. So here you go. It ends on a hopeful note, just so you know, and just know that they will work things out. 
> 
> Thank you to SelenaTerna for providing beta services to make this much better than it was. She has not read the ending yet, however, so any mistakes there are on me. Words have been challenging for me lately, but I was determined to finish this for my March word count. ;) 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!

Her silence –  cold and numb as the wretched beach they’d just left – sits like a heavy wall between them on the zeppelin back to London. The longer it lingers, the more his own frantic thoughts build up, and the desire to let every single one of them explode in a torrent of unchecked words almost overwhelms him. 

All of his thoughts are absolute rubbish, and he refuses to allow any of them to actually break past his lips. But still, that frenetic energy still hums through this new body, and the longer the silence hangs between them, the more he feels compelled to do something, say something,  _ anything. _

The Doctor wipes his palms on his trousers – sweaty palms, now isn’t  _ that  _ rubbish – and grips his legs, taking carefully measured breaths in an attempt to stem his quickly rising panic. Rose turns to him, as if she’d sensed his movement, and her eyes quickly examine his face. 

“Are you… upset with me?” Her eyes connect with his for a fraction of a moment, and he instantly regrets his question when Rose’s eyes widen in surprise, then narrow in thinly contained anger and hurt. 

Rose swallows heavily and looks away. “Am I  _ upset _ with you?” Her voice is low and hollow as she answers him, staring at the space in front of her. 

“Rose,” he interrupts, “I’m sorry, that was a stupid question.  _ Of course _ you’re upset with me. I just… had to say something.” There’s a pause as he listens to his single heart hammering wildly in his chest. “Didn’t mean to...” He trails off rather pathetically as Rose’s hand reaches out and covers his.

“M’ not upset at  _ you,” _ she says, squeezing his hand once before letting go. “I’m upset, no,  _ mad… _ Actually, I’m  _ furious  _ at the other Doctor. I’m  _ so angry, _ I want to scream. I wasn’t supposed to come back here.” A tear slips down her cheek, and the Doctor’s heart clenches as he watches it drip onto her blue leather jacket. “Was supposed to stay with him… you. There.  _ Forever _ , I promised. An’ then you… he…. just…  _ copied _ himself and dumped us on that bloody beach. What the  _ hell _ happened? I thought we were–”

An uncomfortable twist of fear churns through the Doctor’s stomach. “I’m  _ him, _ you know, in case that wasn’t clear on the beach. I’m  _ the _ Doctor, not just a copy.” For some reason, it feels imperative to clarify this fact over anything else she’d just said. “I’m… me. The same Doctor, same memories, same everything, with maybe a bit of Donna thrown in for good measure.”

When she turns to him, the expression on her face is shrewd and calculating, but there’s something in her eyes that gives him a sliver of hope. “So it’s really true?” she asks carefully.

“I’m no different than any other regeneration, but because Donna touched my handy hand in the jar, there’s a bit of human in me, now. But as I said already, I’m still the Doctor. Same memories, same thoughts, same… feelings.” He meets her gaze, willing her to understand the not-well-concealed message in his words. 

Rose looks away and chews on her bottom lip. “So you knew, then, didn’t you? You knew what he was going to do. If you really are  _ him.”  _

_ Ah. _ He opens his mouth to say… something not the  _ entirely _ the truth, but snaps it shut. If a forever with Rose in this universe is what he wants, then he needs to break free from several lifetimes of old habits. Telling the  _ whole _ truth is a way to start. “Yeah. Yeah, I did.” He meets her gaze, and it takes all his self-control to not attempt to comfort her when she gasps at his answer, and he’s not sure if it’s because he actually revealed the truth. 

Rose’s jaw clenches. “An’ you didn’t think to ask what I wanted? Either of you? Didn’t think to give me a choice?” She exhales a shaky breath. “God, you didn’t even think, did you? Just thought you knew what was best for that silly little ape Rose and the no longer immortal Time Lord. We could’ve figured something out, you know? Found a way to make it work.”

Despite knowing it never could have worked, despite the fact that the two of them being here together snapped into place as a fixed point the moment the TARDIS left the beach, he doesn’t bother trying to explain his or the other Doctor’s actions. They  _ hadn’t _ given her a choice. Rose, who had quite literally punched her way through the walls of the universe to find him again, had been carelessly left here without a say in the matter. Sure, she’d allowed him to say the words he’d been longing to say since he’d lost her years before and had thoroughly snogged him as a result, but she’d still been deceived when it had mattered the most. 

In fact, what does one say to such an uncomfortable truth as the one Rose directs at him right now? He won’t deny it, but he rather thinks an apology won’t suffice either. Promises can be broken, and while he doesn’t intend to break them, he knows he needs to earn Rose’s trust before they can move forward together. 

“Look,” he says, slumping forward and running his hands through his hair. “I know it was wrong, and we had no right to do what we did. You deserved your own choice,  _ especially _ after all you did to return to me.”

“I…” It’s clear Rose doesn’t expect the honesty of his answer. “Yeah, I did. I still deserve that choice.”

He nods in agreement. “And while I may have not told you the plan other me thought was the best idea, every single thing  _ I _ said to you on that beach was the truth. I love you, Rose. The idea of forever with you, I... It was –  _ is _ – a tantalizing thought. It distracted me when my guard was down. I’m sorry you’re left with me in this life. If you don’t want…” He pauses, taking a deep breath and wishing he didn’t have to say the words that make his single heart turn to ice. “If you don’t choose me or if you want me gone, I can go.” The way his voice cracks at the end belays his true feelings on the matter, but he won’t force Rose into anything. “If you want me to.”

Her warm hand wraps around his, and he holds his breath, chancing a glance in her direction. “No! Please don’t go.  _ God, _ if you left me, too, I’d…” She turns to him, and the hurt and fear in her eyes makes him hate himself a little more. “Just… Please don’t go.”

“I need time,” she says, her voice so quiet he almost doesn’t hear. “I fought so hard to get back to you, and now I have you but… I… I don’t.” She grips his hand tightly, as if she never plans to let him go, and turns to him, eyes filled with tears. “How could he just  _ leave _ me like that?”

The Doctor swallows and finally gives into the urge to pull Rose close. She melts into his arms and shudders against him as sobs wrack her body. After several agonizingly long minutes, Rose stills in his arms and pulls herself away, maintaining a firm grip on his hand. 

“He gave us a gift, Rose,” he says after a while. “It’s what I wanted most from the moment I regenerated into this body: to be someone worthy of your love, someone ‘just your type.’  _ Your _ pretty boy. And the funny thing is, Time Lords don’t do that. Life on the slow path with you was something I never thought possible until I woke up completely starkers on the TARDIS and realized what had happened.” Pausing, he squeezes her hand and meets her gaze. “Instead of watching you grow old, we can grow old  _ together _ .  _ He _ gave us that chance.” 

“You’re so bloody confusing,” Rose says, shaking her head and pulling her hand from his. “Part of me wants to scream at you an’ let Mum give you another slap, but another part just wants to give in and believe you. I’m tired. I’m  _ so _ tired. I worked so hard to get you back, and part of me just doesn’t want to fight it anymore.”

The Doctor shrugs. “So don’t.”

Rose runs her hands down her face and leans against her seat. “It’s not that easy, you know. I’m different, not the same Rose Tyler you lost at Canary Wharf.” They both wince at the mention of the location where they were unwillingly separated from each other. 

“But you still love me,” he says, knowing he’s taking a risk with his bold assumption. 

With a huff of something he hopes is amusement, Rose rolls her eyes. “Yeah,” she says, “I do. Even after  _ everything, _ I still love you. I’ll always love you, Doctor. There’s never been anyone else like you.” 

It’s the second time she’s addressed him by his name, and his eyes flick to hers, hope warring with the expectation of rejection in his heart. 

“But,” she continues, holding her hand up, “things are different now. I never thought I’d be back here. It wasn’t part of the plan. I don’t… really know what to do. I want to believe you when you say you’re the Doctor, but even after all I’ve seen traveling the universe with you, it’s… it’s completely  _ mad. _ You, just…  _ Two of you. _ I need you to explain it more, everything that happened, just not right now. I think I’ve had all I can take for today.”

With a sigh, she rests her head on his shoulder, and the Doctor takes her hand. “Why don’t we do what we’ve always done?” 

“What’s that?” she asks.

“Live life one day at a time. Don’t worry about the other days.” It’s what he’s always done, not making plans and living life on the edge. “At least while we figure out this new reality.”

He waits for Rose to respond, gently stroking his thumb against her palm. “Yeah,” she says finally, voice soft. “Yeah, I like that. One day at a time.”

**Author's Note:**

> Find me at goingtothetardis.tumblr.com!


End file.
